Love & Other Disasters

Romance is a mystery. These questions did not help solve it.

651. How do I know if someone likes me?

They laugh at your jokes, even the bad ones. If they laugh at question 97, marry them. Other signs include remembering tiny details about you, like how you take your coffee or that you're afraid of geese. They find excuses to talk to you, they text first and they share their fries without being asked, which is the highest form of affection known to science. If they let you have the last slice of pizza, that's practically a love letter. If they offer you the last slice and then eat it themselves while you're deciding, that's not love. That's a sibling.

652. Is it a date if we split the bill?

It's a date with a spreadsheet. Still counts. Splitting the bill is modern, fair and leads to the most romantic moment in history: two people squinting at a receipt and doing math together. "You had the soup, so that's $11.50, plus half the bread, plus tax, plus tip, so you owe me $17.82." Nothing says love like a calculator app. Some couples take turns paying, some split everything down to the penny and some just Venmo each other with heart emojis. As long as nobody tries to pay with board-game money (see question 360), it's a real date.

653. Can I break up with someone by text if they're in the

next room?

You can, but the walk of shame to the kitchen afterward will be very long. You'll hear their phone buzz through the wall. Then silence. Then the slow creak of a door. Then the two of you will meet at the fridge, both reaching for the same leftover lasagna, and someone will have to say something. Breaking up is never easy, but doing it from 4 metres away by text is the emotional equivalent of throwing a paper airplane at someone's face. Talk in person. It's braver, kinder and you won't have to fight over the lasagna. Although you might still fight over the lasagna.

654. Do geese mate for life?

Many do. Linda has been married to the same goose for 11 years. Brent is "focusing on his career." Geese form strong pair bonds, travel together, raise goslings together and defend each other with terrifying loyalty. If one goose is injured, its partner may stay by its side instead of migrating. That's sweet, honestly. Linda's husband is named Reginald. Reginald is quiet and gentle and lets Linda do all the hissing. Brent's career, meanwhile, consists of standing in a parking lot and honking at minivans. He says he's "not ready to settle down." He's 9.

655. Why do people say "butterflies in your stomach"?

"Moths in your intestines" tested poorly with focus groups. The fluttery feeling is real: when you're nervous or excited, your body releases adrenaline, which diverts blood away from your stomach toward your muscles, as if preparing you to run from a bear. Your body can't tell the difference between a crush and a bear. Both make your heart race, your palms sweat and your brain forget how to talk. That's why people say strange things on first dates, like "I enjoy... carpets." It's not you. It's the bear response. Just smile and order a drink.

656. Is love at first sight real?

It happens. Usually it's love at first sight of a golden retriever. Some couples swear they knew instantly, across a crowded room, the first time their eyes met. Scientists say your brain makes snap judgements about people within a fraction of a second, which might explain it, or it might explain why some people are terrified of clowns (see question 635). Love at first sight also happens with houses, cars, shoes and especially puppies at the animal shelter. You'll walk in "just to look" and walk out with a dog named Biscuit. That's love. It's real. And it sheds.

657. How many dates before I can show them my sock

drawer?

At least six. The sock drawer is where the truth lives. That's where they'll find socks with holes, socks that don't match, socks from a 2009 fun run and the single sock from Lintland that came back (see question 451). They might also find a novelty pair with tacos on them. This is a big moment. If they laugh and say "I have those too," you've found your person. If they gasp and slowly close the drawer, you've found out something important about your future. Also hide the junk drawer (see question 453) until date 20, minimum.

658. If I propose in a restaurant, does the restaurant have to say yes too?

No, but they will bring a free dessert, which is close enough. Sometimes the whole restaurant claps. Sometimes the waiter cries. Sometimes a man at the next table yells "say yes!" with his mouth full. It's a big, public moment, which is wonderful if the answer is yes and very, very awkward if it isn't. Some people hide the ring in dessert or a glass of champagne, which has led to more than one person swallowing an engagement ring. Don't put the ring in food. Hand it over like a normal person. The dessert is for celebrating, not for finding jewellery.

659. Can two people share one dessert?

Scientifically possible. Emotionally, someone always gets less. The person who "isn't that hungry" and "just wants a bite" will eat 60% of the cake. The other person will politely take small bites while watching their half disappear. The last bite is the hardest. Both people will offer it to each other, refuse it, offer it again, and finally cut it into two microscopic pieces with a fork. This dance can take several minutes. Some couples solve this by ordering two desserts, which is the most romantic gesture of all. It says "I love you, and I want my own cake."

660. Why do couples start dressing alike?

They share a laundry pile. Eventually the clothes decide. After a few years together, one partner's favourite hoodie will slowly migrate into the other's closet and never return. Then they both start wearing similar colours, similar shoes and the same comfy fleece pants on Sundays. Some couples dress alike on purpose for photos, parties or holidays, with matching sweaters featuring reindeer. Long-married couples sometimes even start to look a bit like each other, because they've spent decades smiling at the same jokes. Dogs and their owners do this too. It's either love or laundry. Usually both.

661. Is it romantic to name a star after someone?

Very. The star has no idea and continues to burn, which is also a metaphor. As covered in question 511, astronomers won't use the name, but the gesture is lovely. Your partner gets a certificate, a map showing roughly where the star is and the knowledge that somewhere, 400 light-years away, a giant ball of gas is unofficially named "Snugglebum." Some light you see from stars is very old (see question 538), so the star might not even exist anymore. Don't mention that part. Just point at the sky, say "that one," and hope they don't ask which one exactly.

662. How long should I wait to text back?

Longer than 4 seconds, shorter than a fiscal quarter. Replying instantly every time can seem eager, but waiting three days to seem "cool" just seems rude. Modern texting has its own complicated rules: one word means you're busy, three exclamation marks mean you're excited, a single "k" means you're furious and a thumbs-up emoji means anything from "sounds good" to "we're done." The "typing..." bubble that appears and disappears five times is the most stressful thing in modern romance. Just reply when you can, and be nice. Also, never reply with "k." Nobody has recovered from "k."

663. Does a wedding ring work as a hula hoop for a hamster?

It's been tried. The hamster was not impressed and asked for a raise. Hamsters prefer wheels, which are like hula hoops that go somewhere (nowhere, but very quickly). A wedding ring is much too small for a hamster anyway; it'd make a better hamster crown or a very tiny steering wheel. Please don't let your hamster near a wedding ring at all. Hamsters stuff things in their cheek pouches, and the ring will disappear into a hamster face and resurface weeks later in a bedding pile. Then you'll have to explain to your partner where the ring went. "The hamster had it" is not a good look.

664. Why do people cry at weddings?

Joy, love, and the price of the catering. Also the speeches, the vows, the flower girl walking down the aisle backwards and the moment the grandparents dance together. Weddings make people cry in strange order: the bride's dad cries at the start, the groom cries at the vows, the best man cries during his own speech and the bride's aunt cries at the buffet because they ran out of shrimp. Some people cry at the weddings of people they've never met, while watching on TV. A royal wedding can make millions of strangers cry at once. It's a global weep. It's beautiful.

665. Is "we need to talk" ever good news?

Once, in 1994, someone said it before announcing free pizza. It hasn't happened since. "We need to talk" is the scariest four-word sentence in the English language, ahead of "your flight is cancelled" and "the cat got out." Your heart drops, your stomach swirls (see question 655) and your brain starts replaying everything you've done wrong since 2007. Then they say "I think we should repaint the bathroom," and you nearly faint with relief. If you need to talk to someone about something small, just say it. Don't open with the four scary words. It's cruel.

666. Can I bring a date to a funeral?

You can, but the third date will be very hard to top. "For our first date, we went bowling. For our second date, we said goodbye to your great-uncle Herbert." Bringing a date to a funeral is a big step: they meet your whole extended family at once, at their most emotional, in their best clothes, while eating little sandwiches. On the other hand, if your date is kind, supportive and knows when to pass the tissues, you've learned more about them than ten dinners could teach you. Just don't post about it online. Herbert deserved better than a selfie.

667. Do opposites really attract?

Magnets, yes. People who hate cilantro and people who love cilantro, only briefly. Some research suggests people tend to choose partners who share their values, background and sense of humour, but enjoy some differences too. An early bird and a night owl can be very happy together, as long as one of them is quiet in the morning and the other is quiet at night. A tidy person and a messy person will fight about the chair (see question 473) for the rest of their lives. A person who loves geese and a person who fears them should not be together. That's not opposites. That's war.

668. If I write a love letter in pencil, is it less serious?

It means you're leaving room for edits. Honest, but not ideal. The recipient will see the eraser smudges and wonder what you crossed out. Was it "I love your smile" or "I love your smile and your car"? Pencil also fades over time, so in 40 years your love letter will be a pale grey ghost of romance. Old-fashioned love letters were written with fountain pens, sealed with wax and sprayed with perfume. Today they're mostly typed with thumbs and sprinkled with emojis. If you want to be truly romantic, use a pen and commit. Love doesn't come with an eraser.

669. How do I tell my partner they snore?

Record it. Play it back at breakfast. Let the evidence speak. They will deny everything. "That's not me. That's a bear. That's the furnace." You'll play it again. They'll realize the furnace is calling your name between snores. Snoring is extremely common and can sound like anything from a gentle kitten to a chainsaw starting in a cave. Some couples sleep in separate rooms because of snoring and call it a "sleep divorce," though they're still happily married. Earplugs, side-sleeping and a doctor's advice can help. Your love can survive snoring. Your sleep, possibly not.

670. Is it cheating if I hold hands with a mannequin?

Only if you go back to the store more than twice. Mannequins are good listeners, always well-dressed and never steal the blankets (see question 689). But they're cold, stiff and they work long hours in shop windows. They also get changed into new outfits by strangers every season, which is a lot of commitment issues. If you find yourself bringing coffee to a mannequin, giving it a name and telling your friends "we're just taking it slow," it's time to go home. The store security guard has seen this before. He'll gently walk you out. Then he'll check on the mannequin.

671. Why is it called a "honeymoon"?

One old explanation says newlyweds drank honey wine for a month. Modern couples just argue about the luggage. The honey wine was called mead, and the idea was that it would bring sweetness, luck and possibly babies. Other historians say "honeymoon" means the first month of marriage is the sweetest, before it starts to wane like the moon. That's a bit cynical. Today, couples go to beaches, mountains and Paris, take 4,000 photos, get sunburned on day one and spend day four lost in a market arguing about directions. It's the sweetest month. Mostly.

672. Can I return an engagement ring if I still like the

person?

That's called "upgrading" and it requires a very careful conversation. "I love you, I want to marry you, but this ring is giving me a rash." That's a good reason. "I love you, but I saw a bigger ring on Instagram" is not. Many jewellers let you resize or exchange a ring, and some couples upgrade years later, on an anniversary. Some people even propose with a temporary ring, like a candy ring or a twist tie (see question 453), and then pick a real one together. That's actually quite smart. The candy ring is also delicious. Don't eat it before the proposal.

673. Do penguins really propose with pebbles?

Some gentoo penguins do give pebbles to their partners. Smaller budget, same commitment. Pebbles are valuable to penguins because they use them to build nests that keep their eggs off cold, wet ground. A male penguin will search the beach for the smoothest, most perfect pebble and present it to his chosen partner. If she accepts, they build a nest together. Some penguins also steal pebbles from their neighbours' nests while nobody is looking, which is basically penguin crime. So the pebble you're given may be stolen. Love is complicated, even in Antarctica.

674. Is a dating app just a menu with feelings?

Yes, and the photos are as accurate as a fast-food menu. The burger looks huge, juicy and perfect, and then it arrives flat and sad. Profiles are full of photos from 10 years ago, group shots where you can't tell which person is the profile owner and pictures of people holding fish. So many fish. Nobody knows why. Dating apps let you swipe through hundreds of people in an evening, which is like ordering from a menu with 4,000 items. You'll get overwhelmed, close the app and eat cereal. Then you'll open it again tomorrow. That's modern love.

675. How do I know if I'm in love or just hungry?

Eat a sandwich. If the feeling remains, it's love. If the feeling disappears, you were "hangry," a mix of hungry and angry, but in a romantic direction. Both love and hunger can make your heart race, make you think about one thing constantly and make you do silly things, like driving across town at midnight. The difference is that hunger is fixed by a sandwich and love is not. Some people experience both at once, on a dinner date, which is very confusing. If you're thinking about a person and a sandwich at the same time, it's either love or a very good sandwich.

676. Why do people kiss under mistletoe?

Mistletoe is a parasite plant. People celebrate by kissing under it, which is the most confusing tradition there is. Mistletoe grows on trees and steals their water and nutrients, like a houseguest who never leaves (see question 475). Ancient Norse and Celtic people considered it a symbol of peace, love and fertility, and somewhere along the way, people started hanging it in doorways and kissing under it. Old tradition says you should pick one berry for every kiss, and when the berries run out, so do the kisses. Mistletoe is also mildly poisonous, so don't eat the berries. Kiss carefully. Snack elsewhere.

677. Can I break up with my hairdresser?

Yes, but they'll know. They always know. They'll see your new cut and say nothing. Months later, you'll run into them at the grocery store. They'll look at your hair for one long second and say "hi" in a tone that contains years of feelings. You'll touch your hair self-consciously. You'll want to explain. You won't. Breaking up with a hairdresser is harder than breaking up with a person, because they know your secrets: your real hair colour, your cowlick and that thing you said about your sister in 2019. Some people sneak back after a year. The hairdresser welcomes them silently, scissors raised.

678. Is it romantic to cook dinner if I set off the smoke

alarm?

It's romantic if you open the window together. Then you can both stand on chairs, waving dish towels at the smoke alarm (see question 463), laughing and coughing. That's a bonding experience. The dinner may be burned, but the memory is perfect. Some of the best love stories begin with a kitchen disaster and end with ordering takeout. Professional chefs say the secret to a romantic dinner is keeping it simple: pasta, candles and a salad. The secret to a romantic disaster is trying to flambé something for the first time on a first date. Avoid that. Your eyebrows will thank you.

679. Do swans really stay together forever?

Mostly. They're like geese, but they got better publicity. Swans are famous for forming long-lasting pairs, and two swans with their necks curved together make a heart shape, which has been on a million wedding cards. But swans can also be surprisingly aggressive, hissing and flapping at anyone who gets too close to their nest, just like geese. They simply do it more elegantly. Linda considers swans "stuck up" and has said so to several of them. Brent once tried to date a swan. It did not work out. He still won't talk about it (see question 654).

680. How many love songs are there?

Nobody has counted, but it's enough that every possible feeling has one. There are love songs about meeting someone, losing someone, missing someone, getting someone back and accidentally texting your ex at 2 a.m. There are love songs about trucks, about dogs, about the moon (see question 546) and about a specific diner in a specific town. Some studies have estimated that most popular songs are about love in some way. If aliens listened to our radio (see question 540), they'd think humans did nothing but fall in love, break up and drive around in cars thinking about it. They wouldn't be wrong.

681. Is "I love you" too soon on the first date?

Yes, unless you're saying it to the waiter about the garlic bread. Saying "I love you" on a first date is like proposing at the appetizer course. Your date will freeze, look at the door and calculate how fast they can get to their car. But saying it to the garlic bread is completely acceptable, even encouraged. Many people fall truly, deeply in love with restaurant garlic bread, and the waiter has heard it all before. Some research suggests people often take a few months before saying it to a partner. Garlic bread, on the other hand, only needs one bite. It's that good.

682. Can my cat be my emotional support valentine?

Your cat accepts the card and gives nothing back. Classic cat. You'll buy your cat a heart-shaped toy, a valentine card and a fancy can of salmon. The cat will eat the salmon, ignore the toy, sit on the card and fall asleep in the gift bag. Then, at 3 a.m., it'll knock a glass off your nightstand. That's its version of "I love you too." Cats show love in strange ways: slow blinks, head bumps and bringing you "gifts" like dead mice (see question 439). If your cat slow-blinks at you on Valentine's Day, you've been accepted. Frame the card. The cat won't.

683. Why do I like someone more after they stop liking me?

Your brain wants the cookie the moment it's on a higher shelf. When someone is available and interested, your brain shrugs and says "eh." The moment they lose interest, your brain screams "WAIT, COME BACK!" Psychologists believe this is partly because we value things more when they're harder to get, like the out-of-stock jacket from question 378. It's the same reason we want the toy our sibling is playing with, even if we didn't care about it five minutes earlier. Your brain is a toddler at a toy store. Don't let it make your romantic decisions. Let it pick snacks.

684. Should I meet the parents before the dog?

Meet the dog first. The dog's opinion matters more. Parents can be polite even if they don't like you. Dogs can't hide their feelings. If the dog wags, sniffs you and then flops onto your feet, you've passed the most important test in the relationship. If the dog growls, hides under the table or quietly leaves the room, run. Cats are another matter. If the cat ignores you, that's normal. If the cat sits on your lap, the family will gasp, because "Mittens doesn't like anyone." You'll be in the family photo by Christmas. Mittens has spoken.

685. Is a blind date actually blind?

No, but after the second round of drinks, it starts to be. A blind date means you haven't met the person before, usually because a friend set you up, saying "you'll love them, you both like... things." You'll walk into a restaurant scanning every table, wondering if each person is your date. You'll wave at a stranger. The stranger will wave back. It'll be the wrong stranger. Blind dates are a gamble: some people meet their future spouses, and others meet someone who talks about their ex for 90 minutes. Either way, you get a story. Stories are free. The dinner isn't (see question 652).

686. Can couples share a toothbrush?

They can. They shouldn't. Some love has limits. Couples share beds, blankets (sometimes), Netflix passwords, last names and colds. But a toothbrush is personal. It's like sharing a sock. Dentists say toothbrush sharing spreads germs, and that's not romantic, even if you've already kissed. Some couples accidentally use each other's toothbrush for months because they're the same colour. When they find out, there's screaming. Then laughter. Then they buy two toothbrushes in very different colours, such as "red" and "definitely not red." Love is patient. Love is kind. Love has its own toothbrush.

687. Why are love letters so hard to write?

You're trying to fit an entire heart into a few lines. Also, spelling. You'll write "My dearest," stare at it for 20 minutes, cross it out, write "Hey," and then cross that out too. Some of history's greatest love letters were written by famous poets, composers and generals who sometimes wrote dozens of pages, comparing their beloved to stars, flowers and the sea. You'll compare yours to a really good sandwich (see question 675). That's okay. Love letters don't need to be perfect. They just need to be honest, and preferably not written in pencil (see question 668).

688. Does a heart actually look like a heart?

Not at all. A real heart looks like a confused potato. Cards would be very different. Valentine's Day cards would show lumpy, reddish-brown shapes with tubes coming out of the top, which is not cute. Nobody knows exactly where the heart symbol came from. Some think it came from the shape of ivy leaves, others from a now-extinct plant called silphium that ancient people prized. Real hearts are about the size of a fist and beat about 100,000 times a day without a single break, which is very romantic, actually. It's working hard for you. Send it a card. A potato-shaped one.

689. If my partner steals the blankets, is that grounds for

divorce?

In some households, yes. In others, they buy two blankets and save the marriage. Blanket theft is a nightly crime. One partner slowly rolls themselves into a burrito, taking every centimetre of blanket, while the other lies shivering in the cold, clutching a single corner. In some Scandinavian countries, couples traditionally sleep with two separate duvets on one bed, and many say it's the secret to a happy marriage. You can also buy an extra-wide blanket, which the blanket thief will still steal. Some people are born burrito makers. You can't change them. You can only buy a backup blanket.

690. Is a wedding just a very expensive party with a quiz at the start?

The quiz is two questions long, and both answers are "I do." Then there's dinner, speeches, a cake, an awkward dance with your uncle and a DJ who plays the same five songs every wedding DJ plays. The average wedding costs about as much as a used car, and the cake alone can cost as much as a month's rent. Some couples elope to save money, getting married at city hall in jeans and then going out for burgers, which is honestly delightful. Whatever the size, a wedding is a party with a promise in the middle. Everyone remembers the promise. Mostly they remember the open bar.

691. Can I fall in love with a voice?

People fall in love with radio hosts all the time. Then they see the radio host. Voices are powerful: a warm, deep, gentle voice can make you feel calm, safe and like you've known someone forever. Some people fall for the voice of their GPS (see question 408), their bank's automated phone system or the narrator of a nature documentary. Audiobook narrators get fan mail and marriage proposals. The person behind the voice is usually just a normal human in sweatpants in a small padded room, drinking tea. That's still lovable. Sweatpants are very relatable.

692. Why do couples call each other "babe"?

Because "esteemed partner" takes too long to yell from the other room. Couples develop a whole secret language of nicknames: babe, honey, sweetie, love, darling and stranger ones, like "pumpkin," "noodle," "bean" and "Mr. Snorlax." These names usually start as jokes and then stick for 40 years. Some couples call each other names so weird that their friends get uncomfortable, like "my little potato" or "cheese face." In public, they'll switch to their real names, which feels strangely formal, like being called by your full name by your mother. "BARBARA ANNE." Nobody wants that.

693. Is it rude to propose at someone else's wedding?

Very. It's like opening your gifts at someone else's birthday. Proposing at someone else's wedding steals the spotlight from the couple, who paid for the whole party (see question 690). People have done it, and it has led to some of the most awkward moments ever caught on video: the bride frozen mid-smile, the groom slowly putting down his drink and the bride's aunt whispering "oh no" loudly. The only time it's okay is if the couple getting married personally asks you to do it. Even then, wait until after the cake. Nobody should come between a wedding guest and the cake.

694. How do I know if my plant loves me?

It's still alive. For plants, that's a full declaration. Other signs of plant love include growing new leaves, leaning toward you (it's leaning toward the window, but let yourself believe), and not dropping all its leaves the moment you go on vacation. Some people talk or sing to their plants, and a few small studies suggest the carbon dioxide and vibrations from speaking might help, slightly. If your plant is brown, crispy and drooping, it's not angry. It's dying. Water it. Unless you've overwatered it (see question 484), in which case it's drowning. Plants are complicated. Like people, but quieter.

695. Do anniversaries count if we forgot them?

They count. They're just remembered by only one of you, very loudly. Forgetting an anniversary is a classic relationship mistake, featured in every sitcom since the invention of television. The forgetful partner usually realizes their mistake at 6 p.m. and runs to a gas station for flowers, a card and a box of chocolates (see question 696). The flowers are slightly wilted. The card says "Happy Retirement." Experts recommend setting a calendar reminder a week in advance, which is the most romantic thing a phone has ever done. Some couples just celebrate every day. That's very sweet and very tiring.

696. Is chocolate an apology?

In many cultures, yes. Dark chocolate counts for bigger mistakes. Milk chocolate is for small mistakes, like forgetting to take out the garbage. Dark chocolate is for medium mistakes, like eating the last slice of pizza. A giant heart-shaped box of fancy truffles is for forgetting an anniversary (see question 695). Chocolate contains small amounts of chemicals that may give your brain a little boost of happiness, which helps the apology work. Flowers are also accepted, but you can't eat flowers. Well, some you can. But most people don't want to. Chocolate is the universal language of "I'm sorry."

697. Can I date someone who puts pineapple on pizza?

Yes, if you can accept that you'll never agree on anything else either. Pineapple on pizza, known as Hawaiian pizza, was actually invented in Canada, in Chatham, Ontario, by a Greek-Canadian restaurant owner in 1962. So it's Canadian, not Hawaiian, which is confusing enough already. People feel extremely strongly about it, and couples have been known to order two separate pizzas to avoid arguing. That's fine. Love is compromise. You can also order a half-and-half pizza, which is the edible version of couples therapy. Each person stays on their side. Nobody crosses the line.

698. Why do romantic movies end at the wedding?

Because after the wedding comes assembling furniture together, and that's a horror movie. Imagine the sequel: two people in a living room surrounded by flat-pack boxes, tiny screws and an instruction manual with no words, just drawings of a confused cartoon man. One says "that's the wrong piece." The other says "it is NOT the wrong piece." The dramatic music swells (see question 633). Then they realize they put the drawer in upside down. Romance movies end at the wedding because the happy ending is real, but so are the Allen keys. Nobody wants to watch that.

699. If two people fall in love on a plane, is it a long-distance relationship?

It's a short-distance relationship moving at 900 km/h. You're sitting 40 centimetres apart, sharing an armrest, but technically covering hundreds of kilometres every hour. It's the fastest-moving romance on Earth. Couples who meet on planes often say it started with a shared joke about the tiny pretzels (see question 409) or a bonding moment during turbulence. The problem comes when you land. You might be going to Calgary while they're connecting to Sydney. Then it truly becomes long-distance. Exchange numbers before landing. Do not wait until the luggage carousel. Your bag will be lost anyway (see question 418).

700. Will someone love me for my dumb questions?

Absolutely. Somewhere out there, someone is wondering if fish get thirsty too. They're lying awake at night thinking about whether bees have knees and why the moon follows their car (see question 531). One day, you'll meet. You'll ask a ridiculous question. They'll laugh, think about it seriously and give an even more ridiculous answer. And that's when you'll know. The best relationships are built on two people who never stop asking dumb questions together. Marjorie found hers. His name was Harold, and he once asked her if books get lonely on the shelf. She married him the next spring.