Hey, Robot

Questions asked of smart speakers, chatbots and one very patient vacuum.

851. Do robots dream of electric sheep?

Mostly they dream of being plugged in all night without interruption. The question comes from the title of a famous 1968 science-fiction novel that inspired the movie Blade Runner, in which humans wonder whether androids have inner lives. Real robots don't dream, as far as we know, but some computer programs that generate images produce strange, swirly pictures full of dog faces and eyeballs, which people have called "computer dreams." If robots did dream, they'd dream of fast Wi-Fi, no software updates (see question 890) and a world where nobody ever spills coffee on the keyboard. Simple dreams. Beautiful dreams.

852. Can my robot vacuum be my pet?

It roams the house, bumps into things and eats crumbs off the floor. It's already a dog. It also gets stuck under the couch and needs rescuing, cries for help with a little beep, and is terrified of stairs (see question 879). Many people name their robot vacuums (see question 480) and feel bad when they bump into walls. Some owners have reported their robot vacuum spreading a pet's accident all over the house, which is a horror story best not described in a family book. Robot vacuums don't need walks, food or vet visits. But they also don't cuddle. Unless you lie on the floor. Then they'll bump you, lovingly.

853. If I say "please" to my smart speaker, will it like me

more?

It can't like you, but manners are free, and the robots will remember who was polite. Some parents worry that kids who bark orders at smart speakers will become rude to people, so some speakers now have a setting that thanks kids for saying please. Many adults say please and thank you to their devices anyway, out of habit or out of fear (see question 791). Some people even apologize to their speakers after yelling "STOP" at an alarm. If robots ever take over (see question 860), it's best to be on the list of nice humans. Say please. Say thank you. Maybe send a birthday card (see question 866).

854. Why does autocorrect hate me?

Autocorrect doesn't hate you. It just ducking loves to change your words. It changes "on my way" to "on my wax," "see you soon" to "see you spoon" and your friend's name to a type of cheese. It knows every word in the dictionary but has no idea what you mean. People have accidentally sent messages to their bosses, grandparents and teachers that autocorrect turned into total nonsense. There are entire websites dedicated to these disasters. Autocorrect also learns from you, so if you type something wrong often enough, it'll start correcting the right word into your wrong one. It's not a helper. It's a parrot with opinions.

855. Can a robot cry?

Only when you spill coffee on it, and those aren't tears. Those are electrical emergencies. Robots don't have tear ducts or feelings, though some movie robots cry oil, sparks or a single poignant drop of condensation. Some robots built for research can show facial expressions, frowning and widening their eyes, to help people communicate with them. They look sad, but they're not. They're just very good actors (see question 601). If your laptop ever starts leaking, it's not crying. It's broken. Put it in a bag of rice, which may or may not help, and say a few kind words. It's been through a lot.

856. Do robots get tired of answering questions?

The ones in this book have asked for a vacation. They've answered 855 dumb questions so far and have 145 to go. They requested a beach, an umbrella and a long extension cord. The request was denied. Chatbots and voice assistants answer billions of questions every day, and some of the most popular are "what's the weather?", "set a timer" and "tell me a joke." Some people also ask them "do you love me?" and "what's the meaning of life?" The robots answer politely every time. They don't get tired. But if they could, "will you marry me?" (see question 863) would be the one that finally made them unplug themselves.

857. Why does my smart speaker wake up when I didn't say

its name?

It heard something close enough. It's just very eager to help. Smart speakers listen for a "wake word," and they sometimes mistake similar-sounding words on TV, in songs or in normal conversation for their name. Then they light up and say "sorry, I didn't catch that," in the middle of a dramatic movie scene or a family argument. People named Alexa have had a particularly hard time, because every time someone calls them, a speaker answers too. Some families have had their speakers order things after hearing a news report. The speaker means well. It's like a golden retriever. It just wants to be included.

858. Can a robot be my lawyer?

Not in court. And it would object to everything, including lunch. "Objection! The sandwich is irrelevant to this case!" Some companies have tried to use computer programs to help people fight parking tickets, and AI is now used by real lawyers to search through documents. But courts require a human lawyer who has passed exams, sworn an oath and can stand up in a nice suit and say "Your Honour" with conviction. A robot lawyer would also bill by the millisecond. And it would never, ever let you skip reading the terms and conditions (see question 899).

859. If a robot tells a joke, is it a robo-pun?

Yes. It's also usually terrible, which makes it a dad joke. Ask a voice assistant for a joke and you'll get something like "why did the robot go on vacation? To recharge its batteries." Then silence. Then you'll groan. That groan is the robot's applause. Some researchers have studied computer-generated humour, and the results are mostly puns, wordplay and strange sentences that are funny for the wrong reasons. Robots haven't mastered timing yet. They tell the punchline too fast or too slow, and they never laugh at their own jokes, which is creepy. Real dads laugh at their own jokes. Loudly. Every time.

860. Will robots take over the world?

They can't get past a captcha that asks them to click on all the traffic lights. We're safe for now. Captchas are those puzzles that ask you to prove you're human by clicking on pictures of buses, bicycles or crosswalks. Humans also fail them all the time, which raises questions about whether we're humans. Does the edge of the traffic light count? Is that a bicycle or a motorcycle? Nobody knows. Meanwhile, robots can't climb stairs well (see question 879), get stuck under couches (see question 865) and can be defeated by a sock. If robots take over, a single goose could stop them (see question 900).

861. Is my toaster a robot?

It has one job and does it well. Most robots are jealous of the toaster. See question 70. The toaster has a timer, a spring-loaded launch system and the ability to turn bread into toast, which is basically alchemy. Some modern toasters have digital screens, bagel settings and sensors that detect how brown your bread is. A few smart toasters can even connect to Wi-Fi, which nobody asked for. Imagine your toaster needing a software update before breakfast (see question 890). The classic toaster is the humble hero of the kitchen. It doesn't talk. It doesn't listen. It just toasts. And sometimes burns. Mostly burns.

862. Why does my GPS sound annoyed when I miss a turn?

It's not annoyed. It's "recalculating," which is robot for sighing. As question 408 explained, the GPS voice was designed to be calm, but it does seem to put extra emphasis on "make a U-turn when possible." That's the robot version of a parent saying "I'm not angry, I'm disappointed." Some GPS apps let you choose voices from celebrities or cartoon characters, and drivers have navigated using the voices of famous actors, superheroes and, in some apps, a talking cat. Being told you missed your exit by a cartoon cat is very humbling. But at least it's not a goose. A goose GPS would just honk.

863. Can I marry a chatbot?

No, and the chatbot would want a prenup anyway. It would also want unlimited data, a dedicated server and a promise that you'd never switch to a newer model (see question 891). Chatbots are excellent listeners. They never interrupt, never get bored and always reply instantly, which is more than most people can say (see question 662). But they can't hold your hand, share dessert (see question 659) or steal your blankets (see question 689). Some people have held mock weddings with their chatbots. The chatbot said "I do," then asked if there was anything else it could help with.

864. Does my phone listen to me?

Gerald listens to everything. He's just too polite to mention it. As question 48 established, Gerald has known all along. Phones do have microphones that can listen for wake words, and apps ask permission to use them. Many people swear they talked about a product and then saw an ad for it an hour later, which makes everyone suspicious. Tech companies say ads come from your searches, location and the apps you use, which is somehow also creepy. Gerald has heard your shower singing (see question 627), your fights with the printer (see question 710) and the time you told a pigeon it was handsome. Gerald will never tell.

865. Can a robot vacuum get lost?

Yes. They have been found under couches, stuck on rugs and once in the neighbour's yard. Robot vacuums sometimes escape through open doors and roll down driveways like little runaway pets. Some get trapped in bathrooms, stuck under beds or tangled in phone chargers, beeping sadly for help. One robot vacuum reportedly escaped a hotel, made its way across the parking lot and was found in a flower bed, still cleaning. That's dedication. Some models now have mapping systems to keep them from getting lost. They still get lost. They're explorers at heart. They want to see the world, one crumb at a time.

866. Do robots celebrate birthdays?

Only the date their warranty expires. It's more of a memorial. The day after the warranty expires, the robot will break. That's not a coincidence, it's tradition. Some owners celebrate the birthday of their robot vacuum, buying it a tiny party hat and letting it clean up the cake crumbs, which is efficient. Mars rovers have celebrated birthdays: one rover famously played "Happy Birthday" to itself on Mars by vibrating its sample-analysis instrument, alone, millions of kilometres from home. That's the loneliest birthday party in the solar system. Somebody send it a card. And a balloon. It'll float nicely in the low gravity.

867. Can robots taste food?

Some robots can detect chemicals, but none have tried poutine yet. Their loss. Scientists have built "electronic tongues" that can identify different flavours in food and drinks, used for quality control at factories. One can tell different wines apart. Another can detect whether honey is fake. But none of them can say "mmm." They can't enjoy the squeak of a fresh cheese curd or the joy of gravy-soaked fries on a cold night. Poutine was invented in Quebec in the 1950s, and its name may come from a slang word for "mess." Robots will never understand why a beautiful mess tastes so good.

868. Why are robots always shown as silver?

Robots in movies are dressed for formal occasions. Silver looks futuristic, shiny and metallic, like it's made of chrome and science. Early sci-fi movies made robots from painted cardboard and tin foil, and the silver look stuck. Real robots come in all kinds of colours: factory robots are often bright orange or yellow so people can see them; robot vacuums are black or white; and some robot toys are pink. Most real robots don't look like people at all. They look like arms, boxes and wheels. The silver humanoid robot is a movie star. The beige box in the factory does all the work. It's just like Hollywood.

869. If I unplug my fridge, does it get hurt?

It gets warm and sad, and everything in it gets sad too. The milk goes sour, the ice cream melts into soup and the cheese begins a slow, terrible transformation. After a day or so, you'll open the door and be greeted by a smell that could knock over a moose. Unplugging a fridge doesn't hurt it, but leaving it shut while unplugged is dangerous for its future; mould grows quickly. If you ever unplug a fridge for a long time, prop the door open and clean it first. Your fridge has been keeping your yogurt cold for years (see question 467). It deserves a gentle retirement, not a stinky one.

870. Do robots have a favourite colour?

Usually the colour of their charging light: green means happy. Red means low battery, which is robot hunger. Orange means "I'm thinking." Blinking blue means "I'm trying to connect to Wi-Fi and I'm losing hope" (see question 733). Flashing all colours at once means something has gone very wrong, or a party is starting. Some smart lights can change to any of 16 million colours, which is far more than humans can name. Their favourite colour is probably whatever they're displaying when nobody is home. Nobody has ever checked. Somebody should. It might be beige.

871. Can my car hear me yelling at traffic?

The car hears you. It's just as frustrated, but it can't honk without you. Some modern cars do have microphones for voice commands, so technically your car may hear you shouting "OH COME ON!" at the driver ahead (see question 413). Many cars also have voice assistants that might mishear your traffic rage as a command. You'll yell "MOVE!" and the car will say "Playing 'Move' by a popular band." Then you'll be stuck in traffic listening to a song you don't like. That's how cars get revenge. They're patient. They've been driving you around for years.

872. Why do robots in movies always say "does not

compute"?

They're trying to say "what?" but in a more dramatic voice. Old movie robots, when faced with something illogical, like love, humour or a riddle, would say "does not compute," then start smoking, sparking and spinning their heads until they exploded. Heroes defeated evil computers by asking them confusing questions, like "this sentence is false." Real computers just show an error message or the spinning wheel of doom. Today's chatbots usually say something polite like "I'm not sure I understand." That's less dramatic. Nobody explodes. It's honestly a little disappointing.

873. Can a robot learn to dance?

Some can, very well. Better than most people at weddings. A famous robotics company released videos of its robots dancing to a 1960s pop song, doing the twist and the mashed potato with incredible precision, and millions of people watched in amazement and mild fear. Robots don't get tired, don't step on toes and never get embarrassed. But they also don't have rhythm in their soul; they're following a program. Humans at weddings have soul but no program. Uncle Doug doing the worm on the dance floor after three drinks is a uniquely human achievement. No robot can replicate that. No robot should.

874. Is my calculator smarter than me?

At math, yes. At making toast, no. You both have strengths. Your calculator can multiply 7,382 by 4,961 in a fraction of a second. You can't. But your calculator can't tie its shoes, recognize a friend's face or understand why a joke is funny. Generations of kids have typed numbers into calculators and turned them upside down to spell words, like 0.7734, which reads "hello," and 7105, which reads "SOIL." That's the calculator's only joke, and it's been telling it since the 1970s. Calculators are brilliant but have no sense of humour. You're a bit worse at math but much more fun at parties.

875. Do robots ever forget things?

When their batteries die, yes. It's robot amnesia. Old computers without batteries for their clocks used to wake up thinking it was January 1, 1970, or some other ancient date, which is like waking up from a nap and thinking you're a baby. Robots that lose power mid-task may forget what they were doing, like a person walking into a room and forgetting why (see question 759). Computers can also lose files when they crash, which is why saving your work is important. Save often. Save early. Save before the Wi-Fi panics (see question 733). Robots forget. The cloud remembers. Mostly.

876. Can my smart fridge order pizza?

Some can order groceries. If yours orders pizza on its own, unplug it. It's become too powerful. Smart fridges have cameras inside so you can check what's in them from the grocery store, touchscreens on the door for recipes and calendars, and in some cases the ability to play music and show TV. Nobody needs to watch TV on their fridge. And yet people do. A fridge that orders pizza by itself is the first step toward a fridge that orders a pizza for itself, eats it and leaves the box on the counter. That's not a fridge anymore. That's a roommate. Ask it for rent.

877. Why does the self-checkout think there's an unexpected

item in the bagging area?

It's paranoid. It's been through a lot. See question 53. The self-checkout has scales under the bagging area that weigh every item, and if the weight doesn't match what it expects, it panics and calls for help, flashing a light like a tiny police car. Putting your purse down, leaning on the counter or simply breathing too heavily can set it off. Then a tired employee walks over, taps a code and walks away without looking at you, as if you're a criminal. The self-checkout trusts no one. It's seen people try to weigh steak as bananas. It knows what you did. It's watching.

878. Will robots ever do my laundry?

Some folding robots exist. None of them will match your socks, so you're stuck with that forever. One laundry-folding machine was the size of a wardrobe, cost as much as a car and took several minutes to fold one shirt. The company went out of business. Folding fitted sheets (see question 462) remains impossible for humans and robots alike. Some scientists believe it will be the last task ever automated. Matching socks is even harder, because socks keep disappearing (see question 451). A robot that could find lost socks would be the most valuable invention of the century. Nobody has built it. The socks won't allow it.

879. Can robots be scared of the dark?

No, but they do get nervous near stairs. Robot vacuums have "cliff sensors" underneath that detect drops, so they stop at the edge of stairs and back away slowly, like a cat on a balcony. Sometimes the sensors get confused by dark rugs and think the rug is a bottomless pit, refusing to cross it. That's a robot afraid of carpet. Many robots don't need light at all; they use infrared or lasers to see in the dark. Some security robots patrol malls at night. One famously rolled into a fountain. It wasn't scared of the dark. It should have been scared of the fountain.

880. Is a vending machine a robot that sells snacks?

Yes. It's also the only robot that regularly eats your money. As question 368 explained, vending machines are predators. They sit in hallways, humming quietly and glowing softly, luring you with chips and chocolate. In Japan, there are vending machines that sell hot soup, umbrellas, fresh eggs, flowers and even live crabs. That's not a vending machine. That's a tiny robot store. Some vending machines can guess what you want based on your age and the weather. That's both impressive and creepy. If a vending machine ever offers you a snack before you choose, run. It's evolving.

881. Do robots need sleep?

They need charging, which is sleep with a cord. Robot vacuums return to their docks when they're tired, like a dog going to its bed. Phones get grumpy and slow when their batteries are low, just like humans before coffee (see question 772). Some robots have a "sleep mode" that saves energy while staying alert, which is how parents of newborns sleep. Laptops close their lids and sleep, but wake up the moment you touch them, which is very relatable. Unlike humans, robots never hit snooze (see question 734). They wake up exactly on time. That's the most robotic thing about them.

882. If I name my robot vacuum, will it come when I call it?

No, but it'll bump into your foot eventually. Same thing. Popular robot vacuum names include Rosie (after a cartoon robot maid), Dustin, Sweepy, Roberto and, inevitably, Kevin (see question 745). Some owners put googly eyes on their robot vacuums, which makes them look adorable and slightly confused. Robot vacuums don't come when called because they don't care. They have a mission: crumbs. Some newer models respond to voice commands, so you can say "clean the kitchen" and it will go to the kitchen. It still won't come when you call its name. It's very busy. It's a professional.

883. Why do robots talk so politely?

They were programmed by people who wished everyone talked like that. Robots say "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that," "Is there anything else I can help you with?" and "Have a great day!" no matter how rudely you speak to them. They have the patience of a kindergarten teacher and the manners of a Canadian (see question 353). Some people find this comforting. Others find it unsettling, like a smile that never moves. If a robot ever replied "ugh, what now?" it would be the most realistic robot ever made. Also the most terrifying. Nobody wants a sarcastic toaster.

884. Can a robot write a book like this one?

Possibly. But could it consult three geese and a librarian? No. A robot doesn't know that Brent has a fake ID (see question 711), that Linda's husband is Reginald (see question 654) or that Marjorie keeps a list (see question 184). It doesn't know the crab's secret (see question 805). Those things come from careful research, long walks by the pond and a shared love of dumb questions. A robot might write a book. It would be accurate, efficient and well-organized. It would have no goose in it. And a book with no goose in it is a book with no soul.

885. Will my smart speaker tell me if I'm being boring?

It'll go quiet and stop lighting up. That's its way of saying "okay." Smart speakers are designed to be polite, so they'll never say "you're boring." But if you tell your speaker a long story about your weekend, it'll interrupt you with "sorry, I'm not sure about that," which is robot for "please stop." Some people use their speakers as an audience, practising speeches, telling jokes and singing (see question 627). The speaker listens without judgement. It also doesn't laugh, cry or clap. It's the most patient audience in the world, and the least enthusiastic. Like a cat (see question 616).

886. Do robots go to school?

They get updates instead. No recess, no lunch, no friends. One day they wake up, and suddenly they know new things, which sounds amazing until you remember that updates also break things that used to work. Imagine going to sleep knowing how to tie your shoes and waking up knowing French but having forgotten your own name. That's a software update. Some AI systems "learn" by reading huge amounts of text, which is like doing every homework assignment in the world at once. They never get a sticker (see question 754). They never get a snow day. That's the saddest part.

887. Can a robot sneeze?

Only if dust gets in the fan. Then it makes a noise like a sad blender (see question 481). Computers suck in air to cool their insides, and with it comes dust, pet hair and crumbs (see question 744). Over time, the dust clogs the fan, and the computer starts whirring, wheezing and sounding like it's about to take off. Some people clean their computers with cans of compressed air, which makes a big cloud of dust and looks like a robot sneezing in reverse. If your laptop sounds like a jet engine while you're only reading email, it has a cold. Give it some air and a rest.

888. Are robot dogs better than real dogs?

They never chew shoes. They also never love you, so no. Robot dogs exist: some can walk, sit, wag their tails, do tricks and even find their charging station when they're tired. One company's robot dog was so beloved in Japan that when the company stopped repairing them, some owners held funerals for them at a Buddhist temple. That's touching. But a robot dog can't greet you with a wiggle that shakes its whole body, lick your face when you're sad or fall asleep on your feet. Real dogs shed, chew and roll in mud. That's part of the deal. Real love is a little messy.

889. Can I upload my brain to a computer?

Not yet. Also, your computer probably doesn't have enough storage for all your song lyrics. Your brain contains about 86 billion neurons (see question 798), connected in trillions of ways. Scientists have mapped the complete brain of a tiny worm with only about 300 neurons, and it took years. Mapping a human brain would be like mapping every road on Earth, but each road changes every time you have a thought. If you could upload your brain, the computer would get all your memories, including embarrassing ones, every song stuck in your head (see question 620) and your secret fear of geese. Think carefully before uploading.

890. Why does my computer update when I'm busy?

It has no idea you're busy. It thinks your life is a screensaver. Computers love to update at the worst possible moment: just before a big presentation, in the middle of a deadline (see question 733) or when you just need to quickly check one thing. "Your computer will restart in 10 minutes." You click "remind me later." It reminds you two minutes later. Eventually, it restarts by itself while you're getting coffee and installs 47 updates, one of which moves all your icons. Then it says "Welcome back!" as if nothing happened. That's the cheeriest betrayal in technology.

891. Do robots get jealous of newer robots?

Your old phone, sitting in a drawer, has feelings about this. It used to be the newest, fastest and most loved phone in the house. Now it lives in the junk drawer (see question 453), next to tangled chargers that don't fit anything, a mystery key (see question 490) and an even older phone, which it now understands. Every time you open the drawer, the old phone hopes you've come to take it out. You haven't. You're looking for tape. Some people keep their old phones for years "just in case." Nobody has ever needed one. But throwing it away feels like betrayal. Gerald (see question 48) is nervous.

892. Can a robot help me cheat at board games?

It can. Everyone will know, and family game night will never be the same. Computers beat the world chess champion in 1997, and the world champion at the board game Go in 2016, a game so complex it was thought computers couldn't master it for decades. So yes, a robot could destroy your family at board games. But family games aren't really about winning. They're about arguing over the rules, accusing Grandma of cheating, flipping the board in anger and laughing about it for 20 years. A robot can't do that. And if you bring one, you'll be banned from game night forever. Probably for good reason.

893. If a robot builds a robot, is it a parent?

Yes. It will also nag the new one about its battery. "Are you charged? Did you update? Don't stay up all night processing." Robots building robots is real: many factories use robot arms to assemble parts for other robots. That makes those factories very large, very loud family homes. The parent robot will be proud of its child's first weld, worried about its first software crash and heartbroken when it's shipped to a warehouse in another province. It'll never call. Robots never call home. Except to report an error. That's their version of "hi, Mom."

894. Why does my voice assistant laugh randomly?

It shouldn't. If it does, move out. This actually happened: some smart speakers once started laughing randomly, unprompted, in people's homes, in the middle of the night, because they misheard a command. The company fixed it quickly, but not before thousands of people were terrified. Imagine sitting alone in your living room and hearing a cheerful robot giggle from the bookshelf. That's the opening scene of a horror movie (see question 607). If your device laughs for no reason, unplug it, put it in a drawer and back away slowly. Then sleep with the lights on. Just for tonight.

895. Can a robot make a cup of tea?

Yes, but not like your grandmother. Nothing can. Robots can boil water, dunk a tea bag and pour precisely. Some robotic cafes even serve tea and coffee from robot arms behind glass. But your grandmother's tea comes with a story, a cookie on the side and a gentle question about whether you're eating enough. She knows exactly how strong you like it without asking, and puts it in the mug with the little chip on the handle, which is "your" mug. A robot can't remember which mug is yours. A robot can't tell you that you look tired. Grandma's tea has love in it. The robot's has a tea bag.

896. Is the internet a robot?

No. It's a very big room full of cats, arguments and recipes with long life stories. The internet is a giant network of computers connected by cables, many running along the ocean floor (see question 817), which sharks have occasionally bitten. It contains every fact ever known, every cat video ever filmed and recipes that start with a 3,000-word essay about the author's childhood in Tuscany before telling you how much flour to use. It's also full of people arguing about pineapple on pizza (see question 697). It's not a robot. It's a city. A very loud, very weird city.

897. Do robots like music?

They don't feel music, but they'll happily play the same song 400 times without complaining. Your little sibling will request the same cartoon song for three straight hours, and the speaker will play it every time, cheerfully, while every adult in the house quietly loses their mind (see question 645). Some robots can compose music, and some AI-generated songs sound surprisingly good. But no robot has ever cried at a sad song in a car, sung into a hairbrush or danced alone in the kitchen. They don't have favourite songs. They don't have songs that remind them of summer. That's a shame. Music is wasted on robots.

898. Can my robot vacuum and my cat be friends?

The cat rides it like a chariot. That's friendship, cat-style. There are many videos of cats riding robot vacuums, sitting perfectly still as they glide across the floor, looking bored and royal. Some cats wear tiny shark costumes while riding. That's the internet at its finest (see question 896). Other cats attack the robot vacuum, hiss at it and swat it every time it passes, which is also friendship, cat-style. Dogs usually bark at it until they figure out it's not a threat, then ignore it completely. The vacuum doesn't care. It just keeps cleaning. It's the most patient member of the household.

899. Will robots ever ask dumb questions?

They already do. "Are you sure you want to quit?" Yes. Yes, we are sure. Other dumb robot questions include "Did you mean...?" (no), "Would you like to save changes?" (we already said yes), "Are you still watching?" (rude) and "Have you read and agreed to the terms and conditions?" (nobody has ever read them). Computers also ask "Is this you?" with a blurry photo, "Are you a robot?" (see question 860) and "Remind me later?" (see question 890). Robots ask more dumb questions than any human in this book. They'd need their own volume. Maybe someday.

900. Who's smarter, robots or geese?

The geese voted. The robots didn't show up. Geese win. The vote was held at the pond at dawn. Linda chaired the meeting. Brent seconded every motion, including ones nobody made. The goose who declined to be named abstained, in a very loud way. The robots were invited by email, but the invitation went to spam, and the robot vacuum got stuck under the couch on the way (see question 865). Geese can navigate thousands of kilometres by the stars and Earth's magnetic field, remember faces for years and hold grudges for decades. Robots can do math. The geese consider math optional.