Foreword

This book answers 1,000 questions that never should have been asked, with the confidence of people who never should have answered them. The questions were gathered over many years from drive-thrus, help desks, group chats and the back seats of minivans at 3 a.m. Each one was reviewed by our expert panel: three geese (Linda, Brent, and one who declined to be named) and Marjorie, a librarian who has been on shift since 1987 and has heard everything twice. Our methods were rigorous. Linda honked at the questions she liked. Brent honked at the ones he didn't. The unnamed goose honked at Marjorie. Marjorie sighed, which we counted as peer review. A note on accuracy: some answers in this book are true. We will not be saying which ones. Please do not cite this book in court, unless you are the goose from question 95. This is the expanded edition. The first edition had 100 questions. Readers demanded more, the geese agreed in exchange for bread, and Marjorie cancelled her retirement party. Twenty-eight chapters later, here we are.